paranoia
did i tell you i dont go out no more?

there’s a man on the corner in a black raincoat
he is a monster, standing under the streetlight
smoking a cigarette, watching my house,
thinking my name.

so
i’ve locked my doors and shut my windows
and closed the blinds
i can hardly turn a light on
more or less look at myself.

i know he’s out there
for i have seen him.

and i dont go out no more.

because there’s a cab driver going down my street
writing my name on a piece of paper and slipping it
to the man in the backseat, smoking a cigar in the darkness.

and they know i know.

and there’s a man sitting near the subway
looking for me from behind the dark sunglasses
he wears at night.
he plays the guitar
and if you listen closely
every once in a while my name
whispers through his lyrics.

and my mother isnt my mother anymore
she is a ghost, making hollow footsteps on the rug,
she works for the man in the raincoat
flicking his cigarette and thinking my name.

and my dog has tried to kill me
they’ve put things inside his head
and now he is a dragon
spitting fire when he barks.

but he dont bark no more.
i’ve put a stop to that.

and i can see the man from here,
standing in the rain.
he has no face, he checks his watch, he is the devil.

my sister says i’m paranoid, that mother’s still alive
but i know the truth, i saw him there.

thats why i dont go out no more.
have i told you that?

**************

what a life we live
got a knock on the door
tv blarin talk shows
sally showed up on montel
had problems of her own
that oprah couldnt solve
macaroni cookin on the stove
cat sunnin on the couch
dog barkin at whoever's knockin
clyde screamin at maria next door
cops eatin donuts on the curb
smokin cigarettes and laughin
what a town we live in, i say
what a life we live

taxi parked outside
while denny gathers his things
screamin at susanne
as the kids runnin around outside
in no clothes
aunt clara eatin cheerios
and self help tapes blarin through her headphones
got purple polish on her toes
tattoos on her legs
glitter on her face
momma's walkin round at her own pace
what a house we live in, i say
what a life we live

step outside and see
old joe sellin cigars from his car
makin no money for the third day
while jackson walks up and down the road
talkin to no one in particular
handin out twenties
and smilin with his toothless grin
while grandma is the next of kin
to ninety year old lou
who still sings in the church choir
on market street
and wears a white mustache
and cowboy boots
what a world we live in, i say
what a life we live

**************

delusions
you got your dog playin poker again
and your cat drinkin whiskey while
your mama’s smokin like a chimney
and your fathers at a peep show
you got your brother passed out on the floor
and your sisters takin coke

you turn to see
a mouse on a noose
and a cow runnin loose
in your yard

theres a snowman across the street
watchin the neighbors get undressed
and a man in his car
waiting for the signal
from the snowman across the street

they work for the man down the block
with his telescope and magazines
and the beer he guzzles nite and day

the calendar says july
but you dont see how or why
theres a snowman across the street
with bulging eyes and a long orange nose
he hides his mouth with a big blue scarf
but you know he has teeth
and he wants to eat
the neighbors across the street

your head starts to spin
you throw up again
and you realize
it was all a long dream

**************

running scared
i’m running but i’m not scared of what i see
i see the clouds above me
in front of the everchanging colors of the sky
the wind touches me and lets out a sigh
and i’m hiding from the woman down the street
as she talks to herself and never sees me
i ran into the ancient burial grounds
with the tombstones from yesterday
and they all have my name carved into them
with different dates
and i’m running past the twisted trees
and the churches with the beautiful glass
and the angels looking after me
i ran into the forest and swam in the lake
i felt the rain upon me
and the thunder calling out for me
i climbed the stone wall
and fell into the buring pile of insects
they enveloped me
but i got free
and i’m running on the beach
in the dark humid nite
theres no stars shining down on me
all i can see
is my shadow chasing after me
and i darted into the traffic
and the horns shouted out at me
and i ran into the graveyard
with the black cats and spiders
lurking around me
and i ran into the mausoleum
and i talked with the woman
talking to me
and i blew her a kiss
and she touched me
and i felt the coolness of her hand
and i turned and i ran
i ran away from her
i ran from the ghost
who called out to me
and said “the only way to get back home
is to quit running for a change”
and i smelled her rotten stench
and i ran from the decaying bones
as the hands came up after me
i turned away and i felt something
slimy against my skin
so i ran into the forest
past the bare trees
and the owls looking after me
i found myself staring at myself
sitting on my porch
the sun was setting
across the mountains
and i waded in the streams
and caught a fish that nite
i ran into the sky
felt free as a bird
as i soared into oblivion
with the wind in my face
and i’m not running anymore
theres nothing to be afraid of like before
i’m sitting in my room looking outside
and i dont have to cry cause everything is fine
tomorrow is another day i need not fear
i just hope that i’ll still be here
cause i ran and i guess i’m still running scared today

May 2008